The Rhythm of Community: How to Communicate Your Way to a Better Neighborhood

At The Common Bell, we believe that a thriving community is built on a foundation of genuine connection. We often talk about shared spaces and local events, but what about the very essence of how we connect: communication?

A recent article in Psychology Today, "The Art of Communicating," provides a beautiful lens through which to view this challenge. The author, Kenneth Silvestri, Ed.D., moves beyond typical advice on assertiveness or conflict resolution. He argues that true communication is a "continuous interchange between two consciousnesses," a way of blending and finding harmony with one another.

This idea is vital for us as community members. How can we take these concepts and use them to build the connected, supportive neighborhoods we all desire?

Finding the "Phase-Lock" of Your Community

The article describes a fascinating phenomenon where two pendulums, starting at different speeds, will gradually sync up and pulse at the same interval. This is called "phase-locking." Humans do this too. It’s the feeling of being in sync with someone, where conversation flows effortlessly.

In a community: This is the magic we feel when a neighborhood just clicks. It's more than just people living in the same area; it's a shared rhythm. It’s the unspoken understanding that leads to neighbors helping each other shovel snow without being asked, or the easy collaboration that gets a community garden off the ground. We move from being a collection of individuals to a harmonious whole.

Using a "Peripheral View" to Be a Better Neighbor

To achieve this synchrony, the article suggests we adopt what anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson called a "Peripheral View." This means expanding our awareness beyond the narrow focus of our own lives and using all our senses to understand the context around us.

In a community: This is the heart of being a good neighbor. It’s about noticing the non-verbal cues on your block.

• Is a neighbor who is always meticulous with their yard suddenly letting things go?

• Do the kids who usually play outside seem quieter than usual?

• Is there an opportunity to offer a warm smile or a simple "hello" to someone who looks like they're having a tough day?

This wider awareness helps us connect on a deeper level, long before a problem becomes a crisis. It pushes us past the limitations of a text or a quick wave from the car and encourages real, face-to-face interaction.

Overcoming the Barriers to Connection

The author points out that our modern world, with its focus on digital tools and institutional frameworks, often encourages a "fragmented, disconnected framework." This can lead to loneliness and anxiety.

This is precisely the challenge The Common Bell aims to address. By consciously choosing to engage with our neighbors in this deeper, more attentive way, we create an antidote to that fragmentation. We build relationships where, as the article beautifully states, "we end up having transformed one another in this vulnerable-making process of speaking and listening."

Three Ways to Practice Deeper Community Communication:

Inspired by the article, here are a few prompts to help us all become better communicators and community members:

1. Go Analog: This week, choose one interaction that you would normally handle via text (arranging a carpool, checking in on a neighbor) and do it face-to-face or with a phone call instead.

2. Take a "Peripheral View" Walk: Go for a walk around your neighborhood with the sole intention of observing. What do you see, hear, and feel that you might normally miss? What is the rhythm of your community at that moment?

3. Listen for the Music, Not Just the Words: In your next conversation with a neighbor, practice listening beyond their words. What is the emotion they are conveying? This sensitivity is key to achieving the "entrainment" that builds strong bonds.

By embracing communication as an art form—one of harmony, awareness, and genuine connection—we can each play a part in transforming our collection of houses into a truly vibrant and supportive community.